Today,
Monday December 1st, is World AIDS day, and I'm celebrating my resolve
to live with this damn virus all these many years without letting it
define who I am. Every journey I take, every picture of me you see, and
every new challenge I take on are all huge reminders that I must never
stop living my best life. So, I decided to share my journey with you
today. Honestly, I don’t know what exactly you are dealing with but I’m
writing you this to hold tight to your dream. Here's a quick sketch of
my journey from the first day I tested positive, 15 years ago. My
upcoming book tells the full story.
1999.
After three years of different pains and minor illnesses, I was
encouraged by my best friend and Professor Soyinka, an HIV specialist,
to go get tested so I could face my fear. I had just resumed work as a
Copywriter at McCann. I’d rather not know. I was working on Coca Cola,
and I would rather live in the joy of that dream. It was that point when
you assured yourself this was only a lie from the pit of hell. I had
not been a ‘bad boy,’ I would assure myself.
2004.
I realized I didn't die yet. My flesh had not fallen off. My heart was
still beating. I still liked rice and pepper stew. I still had early
morning erections - and not just in the early mornings. Shouldn't I be
dead by now? I began to question everything I ever knew.
2006.
I had a local operation for tonsillitis, and it brought my immune
system to level zero. I was infected by everything you could name. But I
was so happy that I was going to die finally. Wouldn't it be nice to
die just like that? Unfortunately, I did not die. I was bedridden for
four months and was forced to live by myself. It was there that my
Exodus happened. I realized for the 1st time that the real death is when
we refuse to live out our full potential. Death is not a physical
thing. It is an emotional thing. When we stop living. When we stop
laughing. When we stop learning. When we stop crying. Or feeling. So I
couldn't wait to get out of the hospital. There, I started the anti-HIV
medication. (Trust me, it doesn't kill as I had feared)
2007.
I started living and loving myself. As a creative person, I created
Orange Academy to start teaching people how to find their creative self.
Love themselves. Tell compelling stories. I put all my life into it.
Then, I started to undo all my pseudo coping skills. Oh, I had tons of
them. Like getting married, wanting people to accept me, being the 'yes'
man to Ministers of God - something I did in times past to assure
myself I was doing 'God's will.' I stopped sending my money to Trinity
Broadcasting Network (TBN) and started investing it on people I could
see around me. Little did I realize that God didn't send me to do
anything to gain his favor or search for him. God had never been lost. I
was meant to find myself and live my authentic life. Lift people up.
Fight the oppression around me. I started spending time with myself. I
started working out at the gym. I started to travel to enjoy the
universe.
2008
- 2010. I looked in the mirror, and I saw a better me. A younger me. A
healthier me. No more lies. At Orange Academy, we started the ART OF
POSITIVE THINKING and started to use our arts and money to assist people
living with debilitating diseases or social conditions. I took those
layers of lies off my soul. I started writing my memoir - my full story
as a preacher boy trying to find God who art in heaven! [ THE EXODUS
coming out next year ]
2014. November. I had an appointment with my doctor in Maryland, USA, and he asked me:
'What's your secret?' All your medical tests are amazing. We tested for everything possible. No new infections or conditions. Blood work is excellent. Nothing at all to worry about. Perfect health. Just that you are still HIV+.'
‘Oh really?’ I said. ‘I thought that had disappeared.’
‘ Well, it’s still there, sadly. I hope Science gets the cure someday soon.’
'What's your secret?' All your medical tests are amazing. We tested for everything possible. No new infections or conditions. Blood work is excellent. Nothing at all to worry about. Perfect health. Just that you are still HIV+.'
‘Oh really?’ I said. ‘I thought that had disappeared.’
‘ Well, it’s still there, sadly. I hope Science gets the cure someday soon.’
We
both laughed and then I fought back a little tear in my eyes. This dude
doesn't know how grateful I am for HIV. Thank God for HIV. I wish I
never had it, but Lord I did! It made me run after myself. Maybe I would
never have understood myself; that no one can save us but us. Maybe I
would never know the refreshing power that loneliness can bring when we
embrace our broken self.
Here's
what I want you to take away: don't end your dreams just because you
are presented with bad news along the way. Remember, HIV doesn't kill
anymore; it's ignorance that kills. Use that bad news to ride onto your
next phase. It will be tough. I won't lie. Don't be afraid to live
vulnerably. It's empowering. Empower yourself by loving yourself. Find
yourself. Give yourself to people without expecting anything in return.
If you are a Faith person, keep living your Faith in love for humankind.
Empty yourself and accept to be filled with kindness from others.
Believe me, there are still angels out there to lift you up.
*NOTE:
Potentially I cannot infect anyone with HIV since my viral load went to
undetectable since 2008. Nevertheless, I still advise that you take
precaution with sexual partners as an HIV+ person, so they don't infect
you with STDs. If you have not tested, know your status. It's
liberating. Starting an HIV medication now doesn't only protect your
loved ones but can make you live even longer than people without HIV.
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